


December 2001 (Dean)

by sammichgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Stanford Era, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 07:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13313211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammichgirl/pseuds/sammichgirl
Summary: Dean's POV of his first Christmas without Sam.Sam's version here





	December 2001 (Dean)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2017 12DaysofWincestmas challenge, gifted to [deansmixtape](https://deansmixtape.tumblr.com/) who wanted to see how celebrating the holidays worked (or not) for Sam and Dean at various points in their lives.

He’d been wandering aimlessly for weeks.  Taking on hunts recklessly, running on little to no sleep, driving Baby closer to that state line, than pulling further away after every case, running.  He was running in circles, never able to pull free.

Downing doubles at the bar hadn’t helped, and the thought of the curvy, red lipped brunette angling for a steamy night just made it so much worse.

So here he was at one in the morning, stumbling through the icy streets back to the barren, empty room he’d checked into just a few hours before.  It was a worse than usual shithole he’d ended up at in Nebraska.  Bitter cold and the driving wind outside cut through even the layers of flannel, wool and leather Dean was wearing. He stomped on, paying no attention to the sidewalk and walking along the road instead.

The freezing weather didn’t matter.  He couldn’t feel a damn thing lately, and he wished he could blame it on the alcohol or the winter weather.

No.  It was his broken heart.  He had been grieving for months now, his heart constantly aching and his mind a roaring void.  He’d grown despondent and more temperamental – which is why his dad had let them go their separate ways.  Said Dean needed to get his shit together and get a few wins under his belt.  Probably felt a good dose of guilt, himself. 

Killing monsters didn’t bring any joy.  Saving people had lost its special shine – the one Sam always seemed to bring out even through the horrors they’d faced.  Sam had a way of finding the silver lining no matter the storm clouds.

This was his first Christmas without Sam.  Not that Dean was terribly into holiday cheer anyway but still.  He was missing his little brother fiercely.  And that was something he wouldn’t admit to anyone, so he trudged onward.  There was a bottle of Jack and a couple of microwave burritos waiting for him.

He knew the alcohol wouldn’t really help.  It did offer him sweet oblivion though, where in his dreams Sam’s dimpled smile was soft and bright.  Where silly Christmas lights were strung in a too small dorm room as Sam welcomed him with a kiss under the mistletoe.  Where they made out while whispering naughty versions of holiday carols to each other and exchanged gas station presents, as per tradition. 

When he’d gotten inside and changed into a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt, he crawled under the covers and turned on the TV.  Looking for a rerun marathon of movies he settled on the original Star Wars trilogy.  He poured himself a glass of whiskey and settled in, looking forward to those dreams.  They were the only gift he’d get this year. 


End file.
